In the past few days, the whole concept of 'colour' has inspired me and when I'm inspired, a song or a poem 'song without a melody' lol soon follows. I wrote this last night as I was trying to sleep. Unfortunately, I failed and now I'm REALLY tired. sad. Anyway, before I collapse because of extreme exhaustion, I thought I'd post what I wrote. :D
COLOUR ME
Colour adds what black and white can only dream.......
Colour brings vibrance, it brings attitude.
Colour brings sparkle, it brings mood
Colour me red and see my burning passion
for living a love filled life
Colour me blue and see how emotions
can single handedly run the show
Colour me green and see how jealousy and comparison
can sometimes get the better of me,
the grass seemed greener on the other side
but I remember its a journey,
Colour me yellow and see warmth and friendship
colour me purple and see me carry myself like a regal figure,
a queen, a jewel, the apple of his eye,
Colour me pink and see me blossom from a girl to a woman
embracing femininity, the beauty in being the lesser but also equal
Colour me orange and see the feisty side,
the 'fighting for what's right' side,
the 'wants my voice to be heard and not drowned out by the crowd' side
Colour me...
Colour me all sorts of shades,
see the extent of what he made,
by no means a perfect picture,
but blend to combine something you can hopefully relate to...
Nyime Nwator, 2011
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
I dont know about you, but around this time of the year I go into deep reflection mode and I try and remember all the resolutions objectives I made at the start of 2010 and figure out whether I met any of them. Finish law school? yep. Be in paid employment? yep. Have some sort of rough idea of what I want to do in life? yep. Keep up the singing? yep. Put out some tracks? yep. Go on holiday? yep. Release a cd? NO.
[Background: I'm a singer/songwriter and I've wanted to release some sort of 'collection' for about two years now....it's a LONG story so i'll stop there lol]
Its funny because the one thing I didn't do shouts increasingly louder than the many things i did. How can I score 9/10 and still not be happy with my achievement? I feel like one of those students who you see crying when they open their GCSE results. You go over to console them only to discover they did excellently and the reason they're so upset is because they had what they consider to be a measly 'A' ruin their string of 'A*'s'. You stand their in disbelief when you compare their achievement to your own (I only got one A* lol) and wonder why they're the ones crying and you're not.....until you're standing in their shoes. Fast forward 2 years and you're looking down at your A level results. Its two A's and one B but you worked hard for and strongly desired 3A's. You don't cry in public but you can't help but hide 'that gutted feeling' from being reflected in your countenance and then you get it. You understand...
When you set personal targets and goals for yourself, you work HARD, you're dedicated, you're doing everything necessary to achieve those goals and you fail, it WELL and TRULY SUCKS! *insert frustrated scream here* All sorts of questions race through your mind like olympic athletes running the 100m sprint.
"Did I not work hard enough?"
"Should I have focused more on a particular area?"
"What the HECK was my downfall?"
The happiness you should be feeling from the A's you achieve are drowned out by the ONE B grade because you DESERVED those other A's... It's no surprise that you received them because you put it in work, period! Let's not forget how difficult it can be to rise from the ashes of what you perceive to be a defeat, the momentum that has to be built up ALL OVER AGAIN, the many tears you have to wipe away and the mental reps you have to do to get your perspective in shape... did I already mention that it sucks????! A few minutes pass you by and you realise you have a visitor... 'self-doubt'.. she walks into the living room of your mind and makes herself at 'home'. She arrived with her belongings on her back implying that she'll be staying a while...your first encounter with her leaves you puzzled and wondering to yourself whether you were/are even capable in the first place.
(Prepare for cheesy follow-up...)
A few days later, 'Hope' calls your phone (tee hee!)...and even though your friendship is on the rocks, she reminds you that 'all is not lost'. It's true. why? Because generally, you have the chance to learn from your experience and try again.
Life is a journey and too often we focus on whether we've 'made it' rather than the process involved. A process that re-works your character, tests your patience, keeps you grounded and humble and one that reminds you that without God, you can do nothing. It's tough especially if you are a competitive person like myself - you wish you could be done with the process and skip straight through to the end lol. My point is if you didn't achieve all you wanted to achieve in 2010 don't be disheartened. The likelihood is that if you look closely in your pursuit of your goals, you've picked something up, something valuable, something that you can take with you into 2011.
He has made everything beautiful in its time.. Ecclesiastes 3:11
Perhaps it's to be thankful for where you're at right now, the fact that you're even seeing a new year. Some were snatched away just before 2011 dawned upon us. Perhaps your process has taught you about yourself, attributes you can celebrate and those which you need rid yourself of. The list can be endless, but if you look, I'm SURE you'll find something.
2011 is going to be a great year!! I'm sure of it. I'm excited not just at the prospect of what I'll achieve this year but at what and how much this year, like every other year, will teach me....
last year's ceiling is this year's floor........STANDARD.
Thankfully I made it back home for Christmas this year. Where is home you might ask? Home is Manchester, England. I guess Birmingham is also 'home' too cause that's where I live and have lived for the past four years however, M-Town is where i was born and bred. (lol allow me to continue introducing myself :D) Im probably more thankful this year than Ive been for a while because of the recent weather conditions. Since the end of the November, the UK has experienced what has now become known as the 'big freeze'. Temperatures have plummeted into the minus region and we've hesitantly received an abundance of frost, ice and snow. I guess we can all safely conclude that WINTER has arrived and she is making her presence known like some sort of diva.
All I can say is that this type of winter adds STRESS and as people TRY and go about their business as normal, you can see the incredible frustration in their faces. As I drive to work at 20mph for fear that I may skid or not be able to brake in time should I need to and possibly crash (Thankyou Lord for protection) and I traipse down the gritted pavements at turtle speed so I don't slip, I cant help but ask God 'Why?! This sucks!'. The season has well and truly brought the country to a standstill and perhaps the most irritating thing about it all? Helplessness. There's absolutely nothing you can do about it.
I work in a hospital in Dudley doing administration for the maternity department. One of my bosses must have entered the office to collect some printing, and as she waited we both turned our gaze towards the window, in dismay at what we beheld. We exchanged our displeasure for what we saw in conversation and suddenly my boss said, "you know, the world's gone mad recently. Its almost like somehow we're experiencing this weather because we all need to slow down...what with Christmas coming up as well.." and right there and then, it dawned on me that indeed, there was something I could actually learn from this awful winter. In the midst of all the negatives, there was a positive. Almost like a 'greater good'.
Sometimes we need to be reminded of the fact that we're not in full control of our lives as the Winter of 2010 has DEFINITIVELY illustrated. Many of us made plans that we had to postpone or feared that we would have to postpone simply because of an interest of significant importance - maintaining our safety. Heathrow airport has closed for the night. sorry. Trains are not running to Doncaster. sorry. The well-known songwriter who was coming to do a song-writing workshop in your church that you were enthusiastically craving cant make it so the workshop is cancelled. sorry...and as you painfully surf the waves of serial apologies and disappointments, you can't help but wish you were in another season. Maybe summer..or even spring... but this is the dangerous part.
You wish you were in a different season...One that isn't so difficult.. or painful..or annoying...or tiresome... the list goes on but you miss the purpose or the 'well-hidden-benefits-that-you-have-to-really-seek-to-find' in the season you're in. Yes, you can't make that appointment but it means you get to stay in and spend time with family. Yes, you have SO much to do but now you can take some time out to chill and rest your body. [its not a machine, for real]. As much as we see complications, we actually find life has been simplified and we can appreciate those things we take for granted. RIGHT NOW, there's something to learn, something to remember, something to gain and something to appreciate.
Thank God winter doesn't last all year. Soon enough it will transition into spring and everything will go back to 'normal' and we can resume our day to day activities with the 'ease' we once knew. The season I'm in will change, it has to, but maybe, just maybe, there's something I can take from all this.......
"We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps." - Proverbs 16:9
HI! *said with a big genuine grin*
Its nice to meet you. Whoever you are. :)
Ok, Ive conformed and joined the blog world. It's interesting because so many people have emigrated to these neck of the woods so I thought I would conduct my own research and see what all the fuss is about. I'm hoping I'll remember that I have one just so I actually keep it up lol.
Lets dive in....
My name is Nyime (or Yimz) and I think alot. Infact, scratch that. I question alot. Im an interrogative soul and if you have the pleasure of knowing me personally, (yes its a pleasure :p) then you know that I like to ask alorra questions. I guess you could call me a skeptic - I prefer not to take things at face value. Its a characteristic that I embrace wholeheartedly and I love the propensity it gives me to go beyond just what I see or hear.
"In all your getting, get UNDERSTANDING"proverbs 4:7
One of my favourite statements. Dig deeper, look further, or as the young people of today would say (randomly picks out some relevant london-birthed slang phrase), GO IN.
Understanding human beings... The complex creatures that we can often be makes me doubt whether full understanding is possible. Everyone's different and whilst two people may exhibit similar behaviour patterns, the MOTIVES behind their actions may not be the same...and when you uncover a person's motives, you're not far off from their heart. The crux of their very being. As you open one door, you're confronted by another. A bigger one and what lies behind each door gets even more intense.
"I'm Misunderstood!"
For some reason when I hear this word (misunderstood), I automatically think of Pink's 2nd album. (Her first album 'Cant take me home' was the bomb diggy - youtube some of that.) The one that spurned out a few hits (that I liked anyway), but solidified the change in the direction of her music. She went from this brassy rnb chick to a pop rock princess. My initial thoughts were 'what the heck happened??!' I wondered why this change seemed a bit drastic. I happened to come across some of her interviews in which she explained this transition. 'M!ssundaztood' was her description of the journey since becoming signed as an artist to where she was at that time or something to that effect lol dont quote me. This was the music she wanted to make from the start but due to a lack of understanding on the part of her record label, she recorded an album that did not reflect who she felt she was as an artist. 'So what?' I thought, 'stick to what you were doing before, it was GUD!', but I had missed the point. Her first album didn't give me an accurate understanding of who she was. It wasn't genuine creativity OR the best she felt she had to give musically. I find it fascinating that so many people feel misunderstood or that no one gets who they are and what they're about. My next question is why do people feel like that?
Its unfortunate that a lack of understanding is quite closely linked to a refusal to LISTEN. This is a facet I also enjoy (yes, im STILL introducing myself LOL) cause what's the point in asking questions if you don't then take the time to listen to the answers?
'Listen' not just 'hear'. Take it in and absorb it.
Listening shows that you CARE about the subject or the person. I like talking to people who actually want to have a conversation LOL, they genuinely want to listen to what I have to say as well and not just dominate. They don't interject or interrupt me when I'm talking because something I've said triggers an experience THEY had and they HAVE TO tell me about it there and then because it automatically assumed upmost importance and it's all before I've even finished! (lol you gotta love people! If I've ever done that to you, sorry..*hug*)
Understanding is a beautiful thing. As I endeavour to understand WHATEVER it is, its exciting. Why? Cause I welcome being challenged and stretched further than I was before. Challenges and dealing with challenges inevitably bring about growth and development. Growth then leads to maturity. Its a nice process.
So join me as I ask questions and find answers and generally pursue an understanding of life, people, the world, God and everything else....
Toodles!
Nyimz
